Front and centre: There are two kinds of women the Sun allows on its covers: 1) mega-babes that make your eyes bug out and your spine go gooey and 2) victims of awful (usually sex-related) crimes. Today we get the latter! A Brampton woman has been missing since February, 2009 and the Sun all but accuses her father-in-law of doing several awful/creepy things to her. Tomorrow's cover will probably feature a buxom masseuse.
On the left: Tiger Woods is back doing what he does best: prowling (a.k.a. playing golf). Yesterday at the Masters, Tiger prowled around with his prowl-rod, shooting sneak-balls into the course's 18 shadow-holes before vanishing into thin air. Also: I'm sick of this $25 million prize they keep dangling in front of our noses to make us behave.
Underneath: You know what's hypocritical about the Fully Loaded Event? If you show up at the dealership super drunk, they won't let you drive away in one of their "products."
Summary: Not so hot today.
** (out of 5)
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