Tuesday, April 13, 2010

13 April 2010

Front and centre: The man on today's cover is the Mayor of Chicago, Alex Gonzalez. His staff defeated the Jays during last night's home opener debate, to the tune of 8-7. What you see in the picture is Gonzalez swinging the Mayoral Rod during his Ninth-Inning Speech. Anyone care for this metaphor?

Left: Sometimes your parachute doesn't open properly when you jump out of a perfectly good plane on your 50th birthday. On top of it all, you live in Barrie. As you hurtle towards your probable, squishy death, all you can think about is how your predicament makes for a delightful pun: OH, CHUTE. That's how it works, right? It' s like how when you're in a car crash, at the moment of impact, your mind screams: WANNA BANG? The man lived, by the way. Next: Most people think that $30 million is a lot of money. Not at the $30 Million Store. You buy one chocolate bar and POOF! it's all gone.

Bottom: The Arizona Bar & Grill is the best place in the city to take a blind date. If the date goes poorly, you can excuse yourself from the table, sprint to Pearson (only five minutes away!) and fly to, I don't know, Ibiza? The rest is gravy!

Summary: Come on, guys! I've seen dogs make better covers.

** (out of 5)


  1. As someone who still does a double take every single time I pass a Toronto Sun cover and am confronted by their glorious puns, double entendres and outdated slang usage (just when I think they couldn't possibly top themselves, they do...on the daily), I have to say that this blog is the most beautiful thing I've seen on the net today. Keep posting, I'll be reading daily.

  2. What would you have suggested, genius?
    You holier than thou types can't run a useful blog nevermind a newspaper. Why don't you spend your time doing something useful like criticizing the dull front pages of the Globe and Mail?
    Or the front pages of the National Post and the Toronto Star — which are becoming MORE like the Sun's not less.
    Oh that's right, nobody ever talks about the other front pages. That's why the Sun does what it does. Because YOU talk/write/blog about them.
    Bravo! And welcome back, Toronto Sun. We've missed you.