Front and centre: Ewww . . . look at all those historical guts. The Sun has captured an image of The Grand Old Lady of Carlton Street on the operating table, midway through a procedure that will turn her into a big Loblaws. It's the end of an era, my friends. Just think of all the glorious things that have happened inside The Lady's body over the years: The Harlem Globetrotters, Duran Duran, Battle of the Blades--just think of those three things. Man. "Sometimes you have to tear down some history in order to create some more," begins the article on page 4. And I agree. Nothing says "history" like a 70,000 square-foot grocery store complex. "Grandson, see that produce section over there? That's where I bought a bag of onions in 2013. When you're with me, history comes alive!"Top: The Lotto Max jackpot is $25 million. But your money is worthless in Heaven.
Under: Things still aren't looking so hot for the Hakim Optical couple. The woman--let's call her Barbara--is clearly at the end of her rope. Her boyfriend--let's call him Van--just isn't the man she thought he was when they met at the Royal Cinema after The Room. Barbara doesn't need a pair of free lenses to see that Van isn't husband material (can you imagine him as a father? Don't make me laugh). Barbara's going to end it tonight, right after she pays again for their falafels.
Summary: As much as I love trucks and cranes, today's cover is a disappointment.
** (out of 5)
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