6 April 2010

Front and centre: The man on the cover today is Spiro Papathanasakis, the executive director of the Cabbagetown Youth Centre. He is happy because a bunch of bikes stolen by Igor Kenk, the godfather of Toronto bicycle theft, are being donated to his organization. I will forgive the Sun for using a similar picture on yesterday's cover; after all, there's no such thing as too much beard. A special bonus: Igor's story is being turned into a graphic novel. Eat your heart out, Maus!

Up on top: The UNPARDONABLE man in question is convicted sex criminal and former junior hockey coach Graham James, who has been pardoned for his crimes by the National Parole Board. Cue the lynch mob, gentlemen! In non-pervert news . . . that man throwing a baseball is Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Shaun Marcum. The Jays lost 5-4 last night to those sickos the Texas Rangers. Also, may God have mercy on whoever wins the unlucky $13,000,000 Lotto 6/49 fortune. . . .

Beneath: According to this ad, the Arizona Bar & Grill gives away a real diamond ring to one "lucky lady" every Saturday night. WARNING: if you accept this ring, you will become invisible to society. Good luck, brave sisters!

Summary: I can't be hard on any cover that features a bearded man in a blue shirt throwing his hands in the air and waving them like he just don't care.

*** (out of 5)