27 October 2011

Front and centre: While everyone else is talking about Rob Ford swearing at 911 dispatchers, the Sun has taken the high road and gone with a more pressing story about... Hungarian gypsies? Yes. Hungarian gypsies--the single greatest threat to the Canadian way of life, as of right now. Did you know that up to 50 Hungarian gypsies file dubious refugee claims at Pearson every day? Entire families of Hungarian gypsies, from babies to grandmothers, are trying to sneak their way into Canada and take advantage of this country's generous paprika benefits. And you know who's next, once gypsies move in? Tramps and thieves.

Just to give you an idea of the scope of the Hungarian gypsy problem, here are some pictures I took today during my morning stroll through the downtown core:

(Queen and Spadina)

(The Annex)

(Bloor and Runnymede)

Is this the Toronto you know and love?

Left: KICK THE BUMS OUT. It's no surprise that Sun columnist Joe Warmington hates the Occupy Toronto protests. In today's column he rages at length against some Mohawk Warriors who have recently arrived at St. James Park and lit a bonfire. Note his use of quotes:

'And if a warm flame can burn there all winter because it's a "First Nations" sacred fire that no one will have the guts to extinguish, who knows if the city will ever get this disintegrating park back?'

Christ. First Toronto is overrun by Hungarian gypsies and now we have to be on the lookout for Mohawk Warriors setting everything ablaze?

Someone call 911!

Bottom: Pardon me, gorgeous pair of blonde goddesses. Are you positive you want new glasses? 'Cause the decline of this once proud nation is no sight for your pretty eyes. Trust me, ladies: there's nothing more terrifying than seeing a Hungarian gypsy's face in 20/20. In fact, I wish blindness upon you.

Summary: The Sun's story about Hungarian gypsies is "an exclusive."

**** (out of 5)