Front and centre: This is an important story for anyone who's ever suffered the indignity of losing a luggage tag in an airport. I think I speak for all of us when I ask: where are all of our tags? According to the Sun, our tags are being used by a network of criminals working at Pearson to smuggle drugs into Canada. Hmm. Don't they have drug-sniffing dogs in airports anymore? I guess the dogs are fooled by the tags, which means... the dogs can read?HOLY SHIT.
Pearson has reading dogs on staff! Why isn't anyone talking about this?
Top: Humans and miracle dogs alike are invited to read an excerpt from a new book about Mike Danton, the hockey player who hired a hitman to kill his creepy agent. Do I smell a Governor General's award nomination? Also: If a miracle dog wins the lottery, who gets to keep the prize? If it were up to me, the dog would keep the whole thing.
Lower Portion: I once ordered breakfast at the Sunset Grill and the waitress insisted on putting my order on her Blackberry. Her Blackberry kept shutting down and I had to keep restating my order over and over again. "Scrambled eggs," I declared. "Scrambled eggs." This anecdote explains the downturn in RIMs' fortunes.
Summary: Confession: I thought today's cover was an ad for some sort of exciting theatrical re-release of the 1997 film Excess Baggage starring Alicia Silverstone and Benicio Del Toro. But it's not. It's about heroin suitcases in Toronto.
* (out of 5)
That movie was infinitely more entertaining than this Sun cover.
ReplyDeleteThis review was infinitely more entertaining than that movie.
RIM's declining fortunes are infinitely more entertaining than anything, ever. Jim B will never get his hockey team at this rate. He'll have to settle for eggs, over hard, served lukewarm.