Front and centre: Did you ever have to make up your mind between two newsmakers, both of whom you're deeply in love with? I admit it: my thumping heart is torn over our two astonishing bikini friends! Shall I marry the one on the left? Yes... but then I'll never know how it feels to share a demented laugh with the one on the right. Shall I marry the one on the right? Yes... but then I'll never know how it feels to spend the night with a woman who owns sunglasses. Oh, what's the use? The only way out of this news story is Death! So much for the long weekend.On top of the temptresses: The Canadiens crushed Philadelphia. Also: $30 million is worthless compared to the love of two people in bikinis.
Beneath the temptresses: Another erotic image rubbed in our faces. Unbelievable.
Summary: Never before has a news item stoked the flames of lust that rage in the lower part of my body so violently—and I'm not forgetting all the times the Sun put Rob Ford on the cover. I need to cool myself down with a Yop.
Start it up.
***** (out of 5)
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