Front and centre: A soccer fan goes absolutely bonkers as the World Cup kicks off in South Africa. So, how "cup crazy" am I? According to the team of psychiatrists and dentists in charge of my brain, my mind is on the verge of collapsing from acute Cup Craziness, the bizarre soccer-related mental illness that runs in my family. How does Cup Craziness work? Basically, if any team scores a goal, I will become nuts, stop bathing and have no choice but to begin a new career as a homicidal deviant with Superhuman strength ("reverse Superman with a boner" is how my medical staff describe it). Other celebrities suffering from Cup Craziness include legendary reggae producer Lee "Scratch" Perry and Liza Minnelli.
The top: An ageing satyr harasses a beauty queen in the name of journalism. Also: $50 million? It looks like this week's Lotto Max is the World Cup of Money! Go Slovakia!
The bottom: Great Deal Days are here, or whatever.
Summary: Party weekend! To quote the Black Eyed Peas, "Let's get retarded! Let's get retarded, my friends!"
** (out of 5)
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