Front and centre: Unbelievable! Last night, the Chicago Blackhawks won their first Stanley Cup in 49 years. You heard it here first, everybody: the Curse of the Bambino is over!On the right: The best part of today's 48-page World Cup preview is the Hooligan Horoscope. I'm an Aries, and according to these astrologists, my future holds a "massive shitkicking." Also: if I win the $50 million jackpot, I will buy myself a kitchen garbage can. I really need one.
On the bottom: A Ray Charles impersonator tries to seduce False Harry Potter. Don't give in, False Harry Potter! He'll just sell your glasses for heroin.
Summary: SCREAMING BEARD!
** (out of 5)
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