Front and centre: In the olden days (or so I'm told), the phrase "Juniors spank Yanks" had nothing to do with hockey. "Spanking a Yank" was something wealthy Canadian teens did, and it involved sneaking across the American border in the dead of night and abusing yourself in the chilly winter air. The trick was to get back into Canada without getting arrested and shaming your family's name. I'm not sure what the Sun is getting at here, but these teens seem to have quite a rivalry going. There's even a crowd watching!Please send me your emails.
The top: Life is both bitter and sweet: one minute you're a sad little girl with a broken leg, the next you're playing a fun game of poker and everyone's your buddy.
Bottom: If you bring a lady to the Arizona B-Bar & Grill on the weekend, she'll get a free diamond ring. Good deal, right? Not so fast. Can you guarantee that your sweetheart's rock didn't come from one of those crooked, brutal rebel groups in Sierra Leone or the Ivory Coast? Didn't think so. Aw, man . . . I'm so bummed thinking about human rights violations that I can't even enjoy my suicide wings—not to mention my pineapple milkshake.
Summary: I look forward to all the crimes and outrages to come in 2011.
** (out of 5)
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