Front and centre: It's been a while since the Sun put a sex offender on the cover, and I was beginning to fear we'd never have the chance to gaze safely into a Violent Pervert's eyes again. My fears were unfounded! Today's V.P. is the guy accused of assaulting a woman in a Scarborough cemetery earlier this week. He looks like Steve Nash after a year-long crystal meth binge, but I doubt he has any skills on the court! Have you seen Steve Nash in action, my friend? He doesn't waste his time skulking around cemeteries with an erection—he practices basketball, soft as a marshmallow. Anyway . . . it seems that the V.P. told his "pal" that he got up to no good in the cemetery. Oh, boys and their secrets!Atop the pervert: The Honda Indy (a.k.a. The Roar by the Shore) is here until Sunday—no perverts allowed! Also: the Lotto Max jackpot is still $50 million. Is it fair to say that rich people are dollar perverts?
Beneath the pervert: You say I can buy a truck at the employee rate? How dare you, sir. As if I would work for your ridiculous car company. Don't you know I have a degree in Casual Science?
Summary: I don't know why there are black lines running down the centre of the cover.
*** (out of 5)
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