The truth is, our spaceman friend is actually Jae-Gap Song, the creepy pastor at an awful-sounding Toronto Korean church. Song allegedly forced his followers to say they'd been gang raped 485 times by other members of the congregation to mask a sexual assault charge he was facing. And now those gang rape charges have been dropped. Confused? I am! Forgive me for saying so, but this story is enough to put me off Korean church for good. This is not what Korean church is supposed to be about, and you can quote me on that.
Top: The Colorado Avalanches beat the Toronto Leafs 3-2 in overtime last night. And, judging by the two sleepyheads pictured dozing on the ice, it must have been quite a strenuous game! Also: lottery.
Bottom: I think that the Arizona B-Bar & Grill needs to decide exactly what it is. Is it a pizza place? A Halloween restaurant? A dance club? A modeling agency? Because right now it looks like chaos. And that terrifies me.
Summary: Today's cover is the closest thing to a dadaist collage that the Sun has put out in a while.
*** (out of 5)