Thursday, October 13, 2011

13 October 2011

Front and centre: A depraved man peeps solemnly through the window of a massage parlour, his imagination running wild. What is going on in there? he wonders. Is it something sexy? Was that a butt I just saw jiggling??? Whoever's in there sure is creepy . . .

You'd be forgiven for thinking that the man peeping through the massage parlour window is some sort of voyeuristic deviant who should be arrested immediately. It's actually city councillor and moral guardian Giorgio Mammoliti, and he's got a handjob-sized bee in his bonnet. Toronto is considering issuing hundreds of new licenses to massage and body rub parlours, and Mammoliti feels this will lead to a prostitution boom in Toronto, turning us into a veritable PIMP CITY.

For a guy who hates illicit sex so much, Mammoliti sure spends a lot of time publicly obsessing over it. He may deplore the idea of a PIMP CITY, but he's the guy who tried to create an INTERCOURSE ISLAND. Sheesh, what a complicated fella!

So, how do we deal with this plague of back room HJs, BJs, RJs and, yes, JJs that are destroying Hogtown? Mammoliti style, of course! I propose that we station a frowning, prudish European man in front of each and every window in the GTA between the hours of 9 PM and 6 AM. Funny business won't stand a chance.

Top: Another excerpt from the new book about the life and times of successful hockey player and dream-loser Mike Danton. Also: there's a $12 million jackpot. That's enough money to buy everyone in Toronto a round of handjobs.

Bottom: The Hakim Optical couple has taken advantage of the 2 for 1 deal. With the money they've saved, they can now afford to put a motion detector outside their bedroom window. You know, to keep prowlers away.

Summary: This cover is giving me a full release.

*** (out of 5)

1 comment:

  1. So glad that you've re-started this blog.

    please keep them coming.