Wednesday, October 12, 2011

12 October 2011

Front and centre: This is an important story for anyone who's ever suffered the indignity of losing a luggage tag in an airport. I think I speak for all of us when I ask: where are all of our tags? According to the Sun, our tags are being used by a network of criminals working at Pearson to smuggle drugs into Canada. Hmm. Don't they have drug-sniffing dogs in airports anymore? I guess the dogs are fooled by the tags, which means... the dogs can read?


Pearson has reading dogs on staff! Why isn't anyone talking about this?

Top: Humans and miracle dogs alike are invited to read an excerpt from a new book about Mike Danton, the hockey player who hired a hitman to kill his creepy agent. Do I smell a Governor General's award nomination? Also: If a miracle dog wins the lottery, who gets to keep the prize? If it were up to me, the dog would keep the whole thing.

Lower Portion: I once ordered breakfast at the Sunset Grill and the waitress insisted on putting my order on her Blackberry. Her Blackberry kept shutting down and I had to keep restating my order over and over again. "Scrambled eggs," I declared. "Scrambled eggs." This anecdote explains the downturn in RIMs' fortunes.

Summary: Confession: I thought today's cover was an ad for some sort of exciting theatrical re-release of the 1997 film Excess Baggage starring Alicia Silverstone and Benicio Del Toro. But it's not. It's about heroin suitcases in Toronto.

* (out of 5)

1 comment:

  1. That movie was infinitely more entertaining than this Sun cover.

    This review was infinitely more entertaining than that movie.

    RIM's declining fortunes are infinitely more entertaining than anything, ever. Jim B will never get his hockey team at this rate. He'll have to settle for eggs, over hard, served lukewarm.