12 August 2010

Front and centre: Oh, Dear Jesus. Is this Rob Ford's "O face?" Did the Sun actually put a picture of an ejaculating Rob Ford on the cover? (I hear that when Rob Ford ejaculates he emanates a sickly green aura.) But let's not jump to conclusions here. Perhaps he's merely being tazed or he's lost in a reverie about submerging himself in a swimming pool full of poutine and pie? That face is a physiognomist's nightmare! I've never seen so much quivering pink flesh in one place—and I'm not forgetting about the time I accidentally walked in on all my aunts changing into their bathing suits.

Incidentally, Rob Ford is outraged that city council has awarded an untendered contract to a restaurant company called "Tuggs Inc." Tuggs, everybody.

To the left: Today there's a special 12-page special on Argos cheerleaders, which is a nice antidote to seeing Rob Ford's corpulent face, my friends! Also: the Lotto Max jackpot is at $50 million. Whoever wins the money should use it to build a gigantic veil to cover Rob Ford. Let's just say we're going to need a lot of fabric!

Beneath: An electropop band has decided to go shopping for eyeglasses. They're called The Worrywarts and their debut single "Weak Eyes/Strong Hearts" will be released on the last day of winter.

Summary: I think it's fair to say that today's picture of Rob Ford was not photoshopped.

***** (out of 5)