Thursday, November 3, 2011

3 November 2011

Front and centre: Look, everybody... a scum! This gentleman was caught on camera stealing a poppy box from a Pizza Nova on the Queensway. Pretty low, huh? What is this country coming to when our soldiers get disrespected in pizzerias? Doesn't this young thief know anything about Canadian military tradition? Why did our grandpas bother shooting Hitler if this is what they get in return?

You know, this disgraceful crime reminds me of John McRae's famous poem:

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
And a scum in a coat steals
The poppy box on the Pizza Nova counter
Right by the pepper flakes.
Shit. What a lowlife.
Try the Hawaiian slice
It's my favourite one, I think!

How did John McRae know all this would happen?

Top: Toronto's Leafs roughed up the New Jersey Devils' goalie Martin Brodeur last night, then defeated the Devils 5-3. Also: Friday's Lotto Max jackpot is $40 million. If I won that much money, I'd be, like,"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa????"

Below: I'm in a bit of a bind, everybody. See, I'm head over heels for both of these goddesses in glasses, but I can only pop the question to one. To make things worse, if I don't do it tonight, their daddy's gonna kill me! Should I pick Cynthia, with her long-flowing blonde hair and interesting skin? Or Tamara, with her big hands and impressive DJ skills? Argh! Sometimes I hate being Michael Balazo.

Summary: "Officers are warning the public to be on the lookout for a suspicious man wearing more poppies than you would expect."

*** (out of 5)

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