Front and centre: Today's big headline manages to combine a deep-seated hatred of art with a humorous heart failure pun.* Toronto's ART FAILURE is Dawes Crossing, a $400,000 sculpture that will beautify(?) the corner of Dawes Road and Victoria Park Avenue. The Sun is upset that "taxpayers" are footing the bill for something as supergay as a sculpture and would prefer to see that money spent on something less supergay, like...
daycare? Hold on a minute. Since when does the Sun care about daycare? Isn't daycare some sort of Soviet-style communist thingy that teaches kids to be lazy and drink juice instead of making them prove their worth in the marketplace? Down with the nanny state.
Top: Hey, Steve! (It's my friend Steve Scholtz.) I didn't know you were living in L.A. now. The clinical drug trials must have paid off. I went to L.A. once. Had a good time. While I was there I saw a gentleman get his head bashed against the hood of a car in front of Rodney Dangerfield's star on the Walk of Fame. Let's just say that the gentleman in question didn't get no respect! Also: the old Italian man has still won the lottery...
Bottom: So it's come to this. Country Style is selling oatmeal and Tim Hortons is selling espresso. Where's a scumbag supposed to get a shitty breakfast and a cup of hot mud these days?
Summary:
* Heart failure is a condition that hospitalizes 54,333 Canadians each year.
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