Front and centre: Chris Bosh is packing up his basketball, shorts and jersey and moving to Miami to play for the Heat. Also: it's going to be Spain and the Netherlands in Sunday's World Cup final.
Top: Jimmy Carter has been picked as Canada's next Governor General, replacing Michaelle Jean and her wanker husband. Also:
WOMAN IN SUNGLASSES: Would you like to gaze into my pupils, young boy?
FAKE HARRY POTTER: Umm, I really shouldn't. I 'm supposed to meet some friends and hang out near a tree we love.
WOMAN IN SUNGLASSES: Gaze into my pupils and fuck your friends.
FAKE HARRY POTTER: Huh?
WOMAN IN SUNGLASSES: I'm taking my glasses off now.
FAKE HARRY POTTER: Wow. You've got really weird eyes.
WOMAN IN SUNGLASSES: I know. With my eyes and your hands we could be famous!
FAKE HARRY POTTER:
(out of 5)