Thursday, July 15, 2010

15 July 2010

Front and centre: At first glance I thought today's cover was about two old friends preparing to dismember a corpse (why is the hairy friend carrying a saw?). Then I thought it might be about a marijuana bust. Wrong and wrong. Our two friends in special suits are literally doing some weeding. Apparently, Toronto is under siege by something called giant hogweed, and if you touch its sap you can get burned, go blind or turn into a Fiberal. And, yes, the WEED WHACKERS article contains several phenomenal masturbation puns.

Also: the Lotto Max jackpot is $50 million.

Left of the men: Gentlemen, turn on the cars now! The Honda Indy is coming to town.


SCANDINAVIAN ICE GODDESS: At last we find ourselves alone.
FAKE HARRY POTTER: Ha ha. I'm not supposed to . . . spend time with you.
SCANDINAVIAN ICE GODDESS: Remove my sunglasses, boy.

Fake Harry Potter removes her sunglasses.

FAKE HARRY POTTER: Ach! That's disgusting. You've got . . . guy eyes!
SCANDINAVIAN ICE GODDESS: And you have the soul of a little girl.

Summary: I'm no Garden King, but I'm 99% sure that Hairy Friend isn't wearing his face mask correctly. He looks like a prototype for a muppet that Jim Henson never loved!

** (out of 5)

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