Wednesday, August 4, 2010

4 August 2010

Front and centre: A dying Roy Orbison impersonator raises her arms in exasperation after finding herself tangled in a lethal web of reusable shopping bags. Today the Sun is taking no prisoners in its assault on the 5¢ plastic bag fee charged by Toronto supermarkets and drug stores. Where, exactly, are all those nickels going? According to the Sun's exposé, the cash is being divided equally between Gay-Eco-Communists and Big Business. It's enough to make you envy the dead Roy Orbison woman—for her there's no more pain. Why, I'll bet she's up in Rock 'n' Roll Heaven right now, jamming away with Jimi and Michael Jackson to a filthy groove.

Also: the lottery jackpot is $7 million.

The top: A new Leger Marketing poll finds that a lot of Canadians think marijuana should be decriminalized or legalized and taxed. A huge surprise in a country that bases its national identity on a common love of donuts.

Beneath: We'd all better buy some life insurance, what with all these bag deaths we're having.

Summary: Am I the only one who got a phenomenal boner from looking at the cover?

**** (out of 5)

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